During these COVID season, I see many of us working from home, spending longer hours with our family members and because of this, we may start to see some good things surfacing from this. Like quality time to get to know each other more, build closer bonds. While on the other hand, it may also reveal more weaknesses or the ugly sides of each other that we may have not noticed or were not affected as much before. And this is not just at home, but even relationships with friends, at work, in school and any other kind of interaction with people. There are the good and bad sides. Relationships are integral and a large part of our living.

 

Our relationships reflect our understanding of the gospel.

And when we talk about God, it cannot be separated from our interaction with others. As it says in Colossians 3:12-14. “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” So what is this love that is mentioned in the verse? It is to be able to bring out these virtues in action. If it is not out of love for others, our seemingly humble, gracious or gentle behaviour will not be genuine.

Now brothers and sisters, our faith is actually revealed in the way we treat and behave with others. If we are friendly to others only when they treat us the same, or we are good to someone because they are able to meet our expectations, if that is how we love each other, then that is not the love God intends for us. That is the typical love for people of the world.

 

The gospel tests the quality of our relationships 

Now as we talk about the love in relationships, we notice that Paul mentioned about compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience in the verse we read. Here, it talks about the many kinds of weaknesses in the relationships we may be faced with and our response to it. If the person next to you cannot meet your expectations, you persevere in patience for them. And in terms of humility, it is not just getting our point across and wanting the other part to listen, but when they are unable to, we continue to love them. Even when they are not reasonable or acting out, we pray and wait upon them. That is love. That is the true love that binds all in perfect unity. If we only love because someone helps us, they do as we say or meets our standards, then our quality of relationship is very conditional and not deep. Therefore, the gospel tests the quality of our relationships with people. When we are able to project the virtues of love that Paul has mentioned, even when people around us weak, are unable to, are repeatedly making mistakes, we are growing our capacity to love and our reliance on watching God work, instead of using our own ways or standards.

 

How to face the weaknesses of people in our relationships?

But now that we have learned about the love that God intends for us to grow in our relationships, how do we practically face the undesirable side of people in our relationships?

1. Firstly, we have to guard our own hearts first. When we are faced with some bad response or attitude from another, the first thing to do is to guard our hearts from acting out. When we very quickly act out in flesh or speak harshly, we will realise we lose strength in our spirit. Be aware of the feelings that are growing within you like self pity, pride and bitterness. They will steer you into either putting down the fire or fuelling it. Now of course, it is human nature to feel anger, but as   ” So it is important to rely on the Holy Spirit before we act upon that anger. If there is certain unrighteousness or it harms someone, we should speak up to correct and stand up for what God sees as right. However, there must also be love within it. Knowing when to speak up and when to soften, it requires us to really look to God’s holy and righteous leading. For example, when I see Liora being bullied by her brother, I have to go in to correct his behaviour and give her the justice she needs. If not, that is where she may feel unfairness, bitterness and break out into fights with her brother. So do not let these things become a thorn in relationships but correct or love with wisdom.

2. The Lord will do.

And should we really be faced with an unfair situation or treatment from another, remember that God will exercise His righteousness. We must trust in God’s judgment and holy anger, which will act according to His timetable and His ways. When a bad situation strikes, many will show their ugly side of response, but how do we deal with it? We follow His leading and trust the One who is above all wisdom and judgment to do. When God does things, He sees it in more angles than we do. So instead of being very subjective or absolute in our own thoughts and emotions, we need to keep our spirits open to the Lord’s conviction or enlightenment. Perhaps the current circumstance or this person’s decision may lead to something else the Lord has in store.

3. Continually seek the Lord.

Finally, when we are continually met with the challenges of these undesirable relationships, we must learn from David, to continually seek the Lord. At the first hit of a bad interaction with others or hurts from relationship, we are laden with many emotions and thoughts of our own that may drown out God’s voice. Also, when we weigh out and measure the fairness of a situation, we may have arguments of our own  in mind. So to really clear out our own voices and the influences, we need to continually seek the Lord. We all have our sinful nature, so the only way to have the right guidance and direction is to look to the Lord. Lord, what should I do next? Submit to the Lord. Then, as we continue to walk along with the Lord, your faith, your courage, your love will come. God will slowly open doors for us and we will see small victories in our relationships. It may be in the form of an improved interaction with someone, a change in the situation or we, ourselves, being able to put down some grudges, giving thanks and so on.

Brothers and sisters, men’s emotions or decisions are always fluctuating. And in this COVID season, many ugly side and weaknesses of people will surface, but we must receive strength, comfort and wisdom from the gospel to go about the relationships God has give us. May the Lord continue to convict and lead us as we seek Him. God bless.